share a joke

Tell us one of your favorite jokes – along with why you like it, where you heard it, or anything else you want to say about it. Click here to be taken to the share a joke form at the bottom of the page.

From:
Beth Fanning
Kirby, TX

Before y’all who are government employees yell at me for making fun of you, let me just say that I’m a government employee (grin).

How many government employees does it take to change the light bulb?

Forty five. One to change the bulb and forty four to do the paperwork.

From:
Melanie
Totowa, NJ

This is in response to the guy who posted the stupid blonde wife joke. Here’s a stupid husband joke!

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." 

From:
Will Anderson
McCall, ID

Puns. Got these from punoftheday.com. Funny site.

The first duck wouldn't go in the water. The other duck said, "What are you, chicken?"

When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken.

The circus manager made the clowns undress in his office as he was fond of comic strips.

From:
luvsblondes
Macon, GA

I collect blonde jokes. My wife is blonde so every time I get a new joke I tell it to her. This is one of my favorites.

PREGNANT BLONDE

My wife, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway the other day, just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck and I started jumping up and down along with her.

When she said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!" I said, "Great. Tell me what you're so happy about."

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told me that she was pregnant!

I was ecstatic! We had been trying for a while, so I grabbed her and kissed her on the lips and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, she said "Oh, honey. There's more." I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!" 

From:
jjlibby
Bernalillo, NM

A man takes his Rotweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.

Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."

"Put him down???” the dog owner says, really upset. “Just because he's cross-eyed?"

"No,” the vet says, “Because he's really heavy."

From:
Sandra Foy
Cedar Rapids, IA

I have worked in human resources for fourteen years and have heard some of the stupidest responses to the interview questions I have asked. (Here is a hint to anyone looking for a job: The answer to “Why do you want this job?” is not “I need the money.”) So I am always up for a good interview joke.

Employer: “In this job we need someone who is responsible.”

Applicant: “I’m the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”